i love both you and the german language way too much
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Samstag, Oktober 26, 2002
We had the state class meet today! It was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO muddy and wet-WAY muddier than when we ran wickham invitational (but i still ran 30 seconds faster!!! (it was a couple hundred meters shorter, i guess...not enough to make up the time difference, though!)). the rain stopped rightbefore our race, which was nice, but didnt honestly help that much. my feet were colmpetly sumberged much more frequently than i would have liked...the pictures of the seven of us lined up with our dirty tights on will be great, though. lauren says there's going to be a slideshow at the banquet like the boys had last year. that'll be great, but ill cry so much. this was the most amazing season ever (sucks to be talking about it in the past tense!! ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! im so annoyed we got shafted out of state opens. (wow...even typing that i didnt fully realize that the season is over. like, its really over. no more cross country. the next time we run xc the seniors will be ogne. i didnt understand why the older girls were getting so emotional at the banquet last year, but now i totally get it. i jsut wish we could hae a few more weeks...o kreide, now im really depressed. im really feeling this, now. i mean, this was such an AMAZING season...we improved so much from last year, and i improved so much as an individual! and i love everyone on the team. sometimes its like my cty away from cty. and i dont want it to end. ahhhhhh! ill stop writing, now, bc im not really saying anything new, but im still thinking about it)) [someone should really sue me for my long parenthesis...this is all highly confusing, im sure...but, then, such is life, isnt it?] at the start i could hear girls screaming all around me (hopefully just from being splattered with mud and realizing how insane the conditions were...but i did see at least one girl take a fall right at the begining). really quite fun to run in the mud, though, as much as racing is ever fun. its hard to remember what i was thinking or feeling during a race..probably some sort of clever trick my body plays on me, like making you forget the pain of childbirth (btw ive realized how drastically different my mental ability to deal with races is this year than last year. i was TERRIFIED before almost every race as a freshwoman, and now i can hardly imagine why. im jsut...excited, in a calm, focused sort of a way...full of the knowledge that i can and will do exactly what i need to. its great, but odd). i know it was fun running striders in the mud, at any rate. so, yeah, i should probably go to bed. to sum up- state class meet fun, intense, crazy-hard, and really wet, cold and muddy. so proud of myself and everyone who ran today, and of our frighteningly nice pack-sticking-in (seven girls w/in a minute of each other! first team to get all seven across the finish line!). superturboaffenthankful to all the girls and parents who cheered for us, and helped with closthes and stuff, and especially in awe of ashley, reggie, and zoe, who are officially my heroes (actualy, they probably already wer...but even more so now). bummed we're not going to get to run state opens. sad beyond sad that the season is ending but oh so happpy it happened like it did. as far as the neighborhood goes, all is well.
10:32 PM
Donnerstag, Oktober 24, 2002
missing people is weird, i think. like how you can miss someone you see every day, or someone you havent seen every day for years, or someone you never really knew in the first place. if i were a writer i would write a book about all the people i remember who probably dont remember me...its weird (its you? yes. yes, its me). ive noticed a tendency i have to say that a lot, 'its weird'...i guess its just too true about too many things. someitmes i jsut say it in reference to nothing in particular, though...i mean it IS weird, isnt' it? don't you ever just have a gerneral feeling that stuff is weird? life, the universe, and everything...very majorly bizarre.
9:51 PM
Mittwoch, Oktober 23, 2002
napping is nice, but sleeping all night is even nicer. my gaol is to see if i can get 13 hours friday night...wouldnt that be mahhhvelous? *sigh*
10:02 PM
btw erin is the coolest person i know and i highly important part of my life :-P
7:45 PM
practice let out really early today, so i was sitting inside by the field house 'doing my homework' for about an hour...i only got about half a problem of calculus done, because it was so much more interesting watching everything that was going on around me-the two sophomores and john the bastard duranco telling sam and her friend how high they were, and cam marantz feeling the need to tell me that HE wasnt high, and the he's never smoked and doesnt plan to and then cam leaving and one of the stoners talking about what a 'fucking bitch' he was, and how some friend of theirs chose cam over them and how he could kick camerons ass...and then some junior guys came in and were talking about some OTHER kid who was stoned, and how theres 'just something so ____ (i forget the word he used) about being high...i mean, i cant even put my finger on it, but..." and then the kid came in and was laughing because he'd stolen some instant vanilla pudding mix from the 'retard kitchen' and then he ran out...and then lauren came up and her sister came out of cheerleading practice and they talked to the juniors for about a minute and left, and then the junior guys were talking about how hot the fresh(wo[my'wo', not theirs :P ])men (specifically lauren's sister) were so hot it was 'out of hand' and how the school had reached 'peak hotness,' and how last year's senior class was 'luahgable' (at this point i realized how incredibly glad i am that i dont figure into their statistics for 'hotness'...uuuhlllluuhhh (can you hear the noise I'm trying to onomotapi-ize?) thinking about this and the other post-athletic conversations among the guys at our school of which this one is reminding me is making me want to go back to the boys are icky brigade website. cuz honestly...boys are icky. you know it, i know it, they probably even know it. icky icky icky [espceially the narsty ones from whatever sport they play...uuuhhhhlllllhhhuuuhhhh again!]) and then there were the cheerleaders telling each other how much they loved each other, which was just making me think about all kinds of stuff (including how you can love several people so much, but have said in health class the other day that you only had one friend who just loves and understands you for who you are, and to whom you could tell anything without risking your friendship...i wonder what thats like [ugh, now i feel like im steryotyping the cheerleaders, which is really not my intent at all...im jsut wondering about it. maybe i jsut dont understande them and they DO love each other a lot...maybe they're just really self-concious about what they think their friends think of them ...i dont know...]) (side note: i think the only time the word 'girls' is used to address a group of peers is among female athletes...is this true?). so yeah...life is crazy. oh! we DID end up watching the breakfast club in health (yay!) and amada zarilli asked if we could watch fast times at ridgemont high! i got a kick out of that.
6:53 PM
Dienstag, Oktober 22, 2002
awwww, boo! so nice to hear from my roomie, even if letters are too time consuming :( i need to get in touch with emmy, too...miss them. so i seemed to have developed this system in which i do work from only one class each night...maybe tomorrow will be calculus day...that would certainly be better than baking the cookies for mole day and reading some boring poo about frequency, wavelenght, and amplitude...now im starting to see what laura schwartz was getting at with her intense pressure on me to take cty chem. o well...if i listened to everything she told me, id probably be crazy, and not half as happy as i am now. ugh, i have to sleep in my own room again tonight...bono wont let me invade the 'library' anymore...at least im reunited with my harry potter (o my gosh, frau has german harry potter!!!!! i want it so badly!!!!!!! not that i really speak enoguh german to understand it...but with the english copy, and a good dictionary, and the past tenses, i might be able to get somewhere. deutsch macht spass. jeremy freshman was disrespecting german today...not cool. i could leg press that kid AND his mama (hehe...interesting image) well, sleep now...i wonder whose classes are watching the breakfast club in health...im thinking that would be the perfect first period class tomorrow...yeah, shuddup, maggie. go to sleep. ok maggie. i will.
11:11 PM
meine guete, im tired...seems like a good time for a nap. baked some snickerdoodles and frosted them with 6.02 x 10^23 as id planned to do originally...the molehouse was supposed to save me some time, but such is life. naptime now.
8:50 PM
yesterday, depressed
i ate the molehouse cookies
kreide, now i'm screwed
(what a poet i am...the orange juice sonnet, and now this! lol...)
7:03 PM
*happiness*
7:01 PM
Montag, Oktober 21, 2002
kind of a funny situation youre in when getting almost all of you late homework done for one class feels like an accomplishment...hopefully a step in the right direction
10:48 PM
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace:
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy.
Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we recieve,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
- The Prayer of St. Francis
I love this...i have it pasted on a piece of orange construction paper on a card, and, funnily enough (love saying funnel...) i seem to have previously underlined the 'understand' line...proof that that's been the theme of my life a at least once before, i suppose
9:32 PM
Sonntag, Oktober 20, 2002
this is so nice bc i can put everyithing up here that i might otherwise jsut stick in my away messages...whatever. maybe i should just go to bed and wake up really early to get my hw done...thats the biggest mistake known to high school students, but then sometimes it works. ARGH !@!!!!! iwas doing so well last week! wtf happened to me!!!!! *sobs of desperation* this is not cool. i need a swift kick in the arse or a good therapist. now i have this urge to write about a few things...but the people id be talking about would be reading this...and it would just be kind of like the danny henkoff thing, except that its all good when its danny henkoff but just weird when its not. i always see him in the halls and sometimes i say 'danny henkoff' and i feel bad because i dont think he'll ever understand how annoying he is, or how funny, and because i have no animosity towards him but i think he thinks i do. o well. serves him right for listening in on my conversation one time in sixth grade (? no......)
11:03 PM
ummmm...nothing to say, just testing something...asr is extremely confusing...scheetz needs the smackdown
9:43 PM
i almost feel like myself...grrrr, why couldn't this have happened at 8:32 LAST night? ps isnt it rather amazing that my abilities as a procrastinator or so developed that i ahve just NOW finished eating the potato i set out to prepare as a way of avoiding my homework this MORNING?
8:34 PM
so i was looking at rob's profile the other night (dont know why hes still on my buddy list...but neither do i knwo why half the people on it in 'people i never talk to' are) and i think now there's one crush i never should have given up. and then i think *smack* i mean, the last thing i need is...er...restatuation, for lack of a better word. but when i thought about it, i realized hes a funny kid. and even if he's not exactly hot, he keeps his hair really messy in a way that makes me think he doesnt worry to much about looking how hes supposed to look. and hes TALL for goodness sake! i need some tallness. this is not a good situation. all of you former (or current *coughcoughcindycoughcough*) rob-likers please help me. pryster thinks im just looking for someone to like...suppose this could be true..trying NOT to like specific people, maybe...im not so sure, though. grrrrrr. this may not be the best information to post online, but whatever. its all good in the neighborhood.
7:02 PM
o kreide but im sad. ive been reading over my old skidmore memory books, hearing the words of all the people i knew, all the people i sort of knew, and all the people i never got a chance to know...i miss it AHHH i miss it. even if 2001 wasnt the best year, it was still the most wonderful part of the calendar year, i mean..argh, i dont know what i mean. i wish they had real memory books at lancaster...if im going to lancaster next year... who knows? i dont know what to do. if youre reading this, you probably know that im ridiculously indecisive, so you can imagine how much this is kiling me. its like choosing between parents, or brothers (please, never again). dont want to be a nevermore (or nomore, if you will) this summer...ach! ill stop. i should do my homework. i think ill go prepare a potato, instead.
11:31 AM
Samstag, Oktober 19, 2002
had an open diary a few years ago...started up another one over the summer in a moment of need...now cindy and jenny have got 'em in their profiles, so ill copy. hope you dont mind O:-) (omg, i wonder if we could come up with a fairy angel emoticon...THAT would be someting) ill probably never write in this, but maybe..who knows...it doesnt really matter, at any rate. so yeah...this is something, i guess...i think...not sure...somebody stop me im talking nonsense.
7:41 PM
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